Category Archives: shorts

Here are some terse notes that I have found, supposedly to jog my memory of something amusing I was going to write about, and long since completely forgotten the significance.

On the 2nd of April 2010, I wanted to “write up weird showers etc thing for FTB”.

What showers? (“Pint of Banks’s mild please!” I hear you all chorus in your hilarious Black Country accents. Stop it.) I have a vague recollection of thinking about showers (as in running yourself under a big tap) of things other than water. But I can’t really remember. I bet it was brilliant though.

Then a few days later, from 5th April 2010:
“Unorthodox friends a la Heather McCartney. -> bath of custard, distraction”
I suspect I may have meant Heather Mills not Heather McCartney, but who the hell knows. I could conceivably have meant Linda McCartney. Definitely a woman, and definitely someone associated with Paul McCartney.

Any ideas? Anyone?

Anyone I mentioned these things to at the time?

Anyone want to write something?

Help me!!

Does anyone know of a device I can attach to my computer that does the following? I want to be able to dispel dialog boxes by slamming my fist on the desk (possibly requiring a pressure-sensitive pad, with USB connectivity), and shouting ‘enough of your lies!’, so microphone also required. This will have the effect of closing a dialog box that has focus, selecting the best option from ‘No’ or ‘Cancel’ automatically from context.

If there isn’t anything that works when you shout ‘enough of your lies!’, does anyone know of something that maybe responds to ‘Get thee gone, Beelzebub! You and your hellish minions!’. If anyone has any suggestions, it would be much appreciated. Oh, and existing solutions should be compatible with Mac and Windows.

And if not, I can feel a patent application coming on. Let’s say it’s non-obvious for the moment.

Alternatively, it will just sit in the list of brilliant yet un-acted upon ideas, and I will file it next to the napkin I found in my back pocket today on which is scrawled, in black biro in a rectangle of triumphant emphasis, ‘plankton restaurant’.

Overly terse notes can be a problem.

I have just discovered the following note to myself with the heading “story idea”.

“Despairing at texts

Attaches own hand to table with metal skewer as only way to cope.

Ambulance, 999 speeddial confusion.”

Does anyone have any idea what that might be about!? If it helps, it was dated 3rd April this year.

Thankfully I don’t seem to have any related scars…

“Retail Price is: $100.00 yours for only $35 (Savings of 75%)”

My guess is both.