Category Archives: shorts

Just a few random things that have amused me in the last few weeks.

1. This morning on the bus, someone stood next to me sneezed. It sounded like an angry squelch.
2. On a lunchtime walk, I was disappointed to have not seen a single amusing thing, or even thought of anything particularly funny. I was almost back at work, understandably a distraught young man, when the supermarket checkout guy waved goodbye to me.
3. I am made slightly uneasy by people whose front teeth are further apart then their eyes.
4. A fantastic facial piercing for goths would be to have a hook under their bottom lip, used to hang a raven in a cage.

Last night I had a dream in which I observed a young man performing a rap. An attempt at a funny rap. Now in my experience, the non-expert attempting a rap of any kind, let alone an allegedly amusing one, would normally be met by peals of laughter from all right-thinking people, and not in the way they were hoping for.

Like when a politician thinks this is a way they can connect with “da kidz” and the end result is just humiliating for everyone involved.

So what, exactly, is my subconscious playing at? I fear this bodes ill…

On a random browse through Wikipedia the other day, I discovered a list of foodstuffs named after people (as one does), and on it was Eggs Benedict, named after one of several people called “Benedict”.

I then read on to learn that is the source of Dirk Benedict‘s stage name.

So he’s a person named after a dish, that was itself named after a person.

Honestly, you couldn’t make this stuff up. 

I intend to travel to the Cook Islands, where I shall set up Pukapuka University, Department of Distance Learning.

Why else would I suddenly want do such a thing? Well, maybe I was partly inspired by watching Zoolander last night for the first time in ages…

But mainly because I could then legitimately get the domain name puddl.edu.ck

I just randomly clicked onto US mobile phone company Verizon’s website, and saw the following text:

We are an equal opportunity employer, m/f/d/v.

Now, I admit I’m not an expert on these matters, but the only match I could think up for m/f/d/v was Male/Female/Don’t know/Varies.

Now that is accomodating.

• This weather is ridiculous hot.
• I’m not enjoying clothes at all.
• The loincloth will be the summer fashion item of choice for the thrusting young professional.