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I am claiming this as new, even though these are extracted from a file full of semi-written things from about 4 years ago…

…the kitchen sink had been expertly jammed with so much washing up, it looked like a really bad Tetris player had gone feral in Lakeland.

…concerned that my phone’s predictive text comes up with “bomb” before “comb”. The word I wanted was not there at all; it was “boob”. I’m a lover, not a fighter.

…people who are lactose intolerant are really, really bad at being mammals. Would probably give birth to dehydrated child granules in a sachet.

….Did you hear about the Frenchman who got stuck under his sofa? He was immeubleised…

…performed a lengthy and tuneful fart, which started out sounding like Gregorian chant, but ended with a quizzical upturned note at the end, giving the overall impression of an Australian monk.

I, er wrote this on my fridge.

It is writing.

Also, Arthur the cat made his contribution to magnetic fridge poetry – the word “languid” is now much less flat.

Grunt. By which of course I mean, “Ah, there you are! Ah! Wonderful! I shall write something!”

That’s enough niceties. To be honest with you, it almost seems as though I’m just typing words with no plan, scheme, plan of action, idea, master plan, game plan, proposal, proposition, ploy…[*] (Weak word-based humour – check!)

Now – we need something here… (Seinfeld reference in place – check!)

Alas instead of writing any more I am going to have to do a sleep. (Poor excuse instead of any actual writing – check!)

But this counts, right? Three days in a row? I say yes.

[*]Reference works from other publishers are technically available, but, you know, probably best avoided. Would you believe I haven’t read Advertising: A Very Short Introduction?

Alerted via the magic of flamingkitties (thanks Lou!) about a year ago, I have now finished writing this post, and I still desire and indeed deserve Big Lebowski action figures.

You will buy them for me!

Amusing cartoon at N-Europe found via Grumpy Gamer.