Misc – a compendium of unpublished bits

Please enjoy this collection of unrelated scraps of writing that never really made it into anything. Titles/dates where appropriate (and known). Unedited apart from the occasional typo fix.

The slug dream – 3 January 2008

I had another dream, with certain similarities to the last one.

Again early on in what I remember where creatures in my sink in the bathroom. In this case, a pair of slugs. I rescued them from the sink in a small cardboard box, taking great care not to just squish them twixt box and sink.

Strangely, the morning after the dream, I evicted two spiders from my bedroom, again via use of a cardboard box (a somewhat larger box, as a spider can cover the distance up the inner side of a cardboard box rather more quickly than a lowly slug. The spiders are hopefully enjoying their new home outside. I did feel rather bad having slung them out on Christmas Eve, but these things happen.)

Nice digression. Um? The dream. Right. Actually, now I come to think of it, the slugs were climbing up the sides of the box surprisingly rapidly. I think there may have even been some jumping involved. But I kept them under control, and they were cast from the house.

Milk difficulties – 17 January 2008

I have just had great difficulty in opening a plastic bottle of milk. It would have been significantly less hassle to go out and buy a “grow your own cow” kit.

First of all, I proved too puny to be able to quickly and easily unscrew the top, which I finally managed

Or better still, there should be a service which supplies cow-shaped Piñatas full of individual serving-sized pots of milk, cream, etc, to suit a variety of coffee-whitening tastes.

(untitled) 20 January 2008

forensics – last night – what happen?

evidence! This morning Xbox was switched on, – I turned it off when I woke up without switching on TV to see what it was doing. Watched via Xbox double-bill of Family Guy that had been recorded yesterday, and the first chunk of one of the episodes seemed eerily familiar.
conclusion! I must have watched first 15 mins of an episode of family guy before I fell asleep

there was a cold and undrunk cup of tea on the shelf next to my bed.

dabs.com possibly getting a bit over-excited with their use of the phrase “Save over £5!!!” To justify the use of three exclamation marks for this saving of £5.39, I’d expect the products original price to be less than £75.38. Possibly somewhere around the £2.50 mark.

Best typo I have made in the last hour – instead of “pub.” I managed to type “pibl”.

Luxury lunch extravaganza – baked beans, with ketchup, eaten from plastic microwave saucepan with a spoon. And a hot cross bun. Separately. Although I did consider combining the two, because it would have been mildly amusing. I am more easily amused than most.

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